Struggling

I literally do not recognize myself in the mirror.  It's a lot more depressing than I thought it would be.  I'm so happy to be 9 months pregnant with my little boy, and I can not wait to meet him.  But the way my body has changed has really hit me hard.  My face doesn't look anything like it use to.  Why doesn't anyone understand the way I feel about this?  Apparently I'm supposed to enjoy this.  How can I enjoy seeing pictures of myself this way.  How can I enjoy the feeling I get?  It's terrible.  It makes me want to cry every.single.time.


Blame it on hormones?  I don't think this is one of those cases.


I feel guilty that I'm almost as excited to see my baby boy as I am to start loosing weight.  But it's true.

32 Weeks and Nervous

It's been a pretty eventful week.  It started last Wednesday night/Thursday morning at work.  It was a pretty busy night and it flew by! But by the time the next shift started showing up I started feeling off.  I can't really explain it any other way.  I was having quite a few braxton hick's contractions throughout the night but they were never back to back, so I didn't worry.  But 7am came around and I started feeling worse.  It got to the point where I started feeling like I was going to get sick and pass out.  I figured my blood pressure was just pretty low and I needed to sit down.  I had my friend check my blood pressure, still at work, and it was 140/70.  I usually run 90-100/60.  So I was a bit shocked and began to get a little nervous.  My doctor's nurse had been wanting me to check my BP often in between appointments to watch for signs of Pre-Eclampsia*.  I still have a ton of swelling, and that morning it was particularly bad.  So when I was finally done with work (an hour late) I called my OB's nurse.  She wanted me to go ahead and come in to the office.  They just opened and they don't have appointments until 9am, so I would be able to get checked out quick and get home to bed. 

*Pre-Eclampsia is a condition some pregnant women can get.  It is associated with high blood pressure, abnormal swelling and protein in urine. It is also called toxemia or pregnancy induced hypertension.  If untreated it can lead to a stroke, so it's pretty serious.  The only way to really 'treat' it is to deliver the baby.   

When I got there she checked my urine, like always, and like always I had a UTI (this would be the third time this pregnancy).  She also said I am starting to spill a little protein in my urine (a sign of Pre-E) but that it wasn't bad yet.  Not to mention I was very dehydrated.  (I tried to drink water throughout the night, but I didn't get as much in as I normally do).  She weighed me as well, and I gained 8 lbs since I weighed myself two days prior at home, I thank the swelling.  Next was my BP check.  I had been trying to relax and deep breath for the past 30 minutes to lower my BP.  Luckily it was 120/70.  Still high for me, but much better!  She also checked my swelling.

We discussed my work schedule.  She felt very uneasy with me going back to work that night, so she wrote a note for me stay home due to all the problems (high BP, dehydration, increased edema, and UTI).  She wanted me to take it easy this weekend and go back to work tonight (Monday), since I have another doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon.  When I went back to work to give my charge nurse the note I was able to talk to 3 of my charge nurses.  They obviously were upset that I would not be at work that night (we were very busy and needed the help), but they understood...I hope.  They also did not want me to go to work tonight.  I tried to fight it but they were adamant.  I told them I would let them know what happened at my appointment Tuesday, whether or not I would be back at work.  I'm only scheduled 6 more nights this next month, but I feel very nervous about working.  I've been taking it easy this weekend and I'm still swelling a ton, and not to mention every time I get up and move around a lot I start cramping.  Sunday morning I woke up feeling like crap.  I guarantee I am still pretty dehydrated.  Too bad I can't take the fluid from my legs and ankles and move it...

So week 32 has been a tough week so far.  Pregnancy symptoms so far have gotten a little worse, and better at the same time.  I'm not craving as much anymore...other than ice (thanks dehydration).  I swear I'm getting more and more stretch marks on the front of my belly everyday.  For the longest time I only had a few on my sides from where I had some from years ago. But now...there's no hiding them. :(

I also get so uncomfortable!  Tanner really likes my right side, especially my ribs/lung.  Sometimes I can't catch my breath and I have to stretch out just to breath.  Last night Nick had his hand on my right side, by my ribs and he said he felt what he thought was a foot move.  I think that's pretty awesome, I still haven't felt anything like that yet. 

I'm trying to make myself relax a little more around the house. So thanks to some YouTube tutorials, I am working on crocheting Tanner a hat.  I think I will also try to make some little booties, just because they are so darn cute!

I'm going to head to bed now.  I will post again tomorrow after my doctor's appointment. 

Here's this week's bump shot.  Sorry, Mom...maybe next week I will show my super swollen face. :)

30 Weeks!

I still can't believe I'm in the last stretch of this pregnancy!  10 weeks left! I had the best day yesterday!  We live about an hour and a half away from any good shopping/restaurants.  So last week Nick asked me if I wanted to go down to the city to eat at Red Robin and then go to Barnes and Noble to get some baby books.  Loving red Robin and the idea of looking for some baby books for the bookshelf in the nursery I of course said, "YES!".  So we drove down to the city yesterday.  Nick kept pushing me to "stay hydrated" by bringing along some iced tea in the car.  I told him I didn't want to have to go to the bathroom on the way to the city.  We finally got to Red Robin. I happily ordered my fried chicken salad and strawberry lemonaid.  Once we were done we got up to go to back to the car, and while I was walking back I realized I probably should have used the bathroom.  I guess once I stand up Tanner squishes my bladder.  Nick said I could find a bathroom at Barnes and Noble.  We were driving around and I saw the bookstore on the left side of the road,  but our car was on the right.  So being the back seat driver observant wife I am, I mentioned we should be in the other lane.  Nick said he wanted to make a pit stop at another place and pulled into a parking spot at this place called Stork Vision.  I immediately got excited!  (I casually mentioned over a month ago that it would be pretty neat to have a 3D/4D ultrasound to see Tanner's face, since my doctor will not do any more ultrasounds)


I was really nervous though.  It said "By appointment only" on the front door.  Nick kept saying we'll just go in and make an appointment for another time.  So we walked in, and the receptionist asked my name.  I was hesitant to tell her because I just wanted to make an appointment, I didn't want to look stupid and have to tell her we didn't have one. She then  asked me to sign in.  I kept looking at Nick, not wanting to sign in.  But he just picked up the pen and handed it to me.  I gave him the side eye, still feeling very awkward.  The receptionist then said, "Is this a surprise?".  I just stood there looking strange, I'm sure.  Nick finally spoke up and said, "She still thinks we don't have an appointment".  I felt so relieved, and so excited!  Apparently Nick made this appointment last week.  They called my doctor and got the paperwork done and everything was set up.  I was going to be able to see my baby's face!


We went back to the little ultrasound room and got started.  We found out Tanner is still a boy, and he is very stubborn.  He had his little hands and arms curled up around his face for the longest time!  The tech tried her hardest to bother him by poking my belly, trying to get him to move a little bit.  For 20 minutes he would only show a little bit of an eye and a peek at his nose.  So I got up to go to the bathroom to see if he would move a little bit.  (Now it makes since as to why Nick was wanting me to "stay hydrated, and have a sugary drink at lunch").  I returned to the room and Tanner brought his little leg up by his face to try to hide more.  Of course.      But the tech continued to try to get him to move, and for a split second, he did!  She was able to get some pictures of his precious little face.  We also got a video of the ultrasound!

This is what we saw for most of the ultrasound.  He had his arms covering his face.

Here he is teasing us by showing just a little bit of his face.

Finally! What a precious face! I am so in love with those cheeks!

I can't believe that's my baby! I love my husband so much for doing this!

And Nick being the great husband (and soon to be daddy) he is we still went to Barnes and Noble to get baby books. I think he enjoyed that part more than I did.  I really wanted one book, the little Bible.  Nick really liked the little boy books. (Yes, that's a cat tail in the picture, they missed us when we were gone).

We went to the mall to try to find some nice sunglasses, with no luck.  So we drove 20 minuted to go to Carters.  Which by one of my last posts about shopping online, was a very bad idea.  We found so much we liked!  We got some more onesies and a few little outfits.  We also got a fleece sleeper which will be great for the cold winter months.

They are SO nosey!

I know this is already a pretty long post, but since it's kind of my weekly update, I should update.


It started pretty much on the day I turned 30 weeks, last Wednesday.  I have gotten so uncomfortable.  It's hard to move around, tie my shoes, get out of bed or off the couch.  I feel like I'm carrying around two tree trunks, my legs, because my swelling just doesn't go away anymore.  I was told the other day my a fellow nurse, that I need to change doctors.  (I'm just going to try to take it slow still, my BP is still good). The end is in sight.  I'm pretty sure I know what my last day of work will be before baby comes. I just need to stick it out a little bit more.   BUT if it gets to be any harder than it is now, I'll be asking my doctor to stop work. It's gotten pretty tough the last few times I've worked, I'm just hoping that's the worse it will get.  We'll see.


By working nights, I have realized I am a morning person.  I miss waking up in the actual morning (instead of 1pm/4pm after working) and enjoying a cup of coffee and breakfast.  I miss having my whole day.  I feel like the days just fly by now because I sleep them away.  And speaking of sleep, it sucks.  It takes forever for me to fall asleep, and it's very, very normal for me to wake up at 1am and not be able to fall asleep again until 3:30 or later.  I know I would be having this problem if I didn't work nights, but I can't see working nights helping the problem either.  Last night was the first night I actually had great sleep in weeks. I fell asleep immediately and woke up once or twice.  But of course, I have to work tonight, so I'm back to the crappy sleep schedule.


As far as cravings go, I have just a couple.  One is pretty bad, the others, not bad at all. I crave milk.  Chocolate milk, or white milk.  Either will suffice.  And with this craving, I am wanting cereal all the time.  I use to have Lucky Charms daily, but I finally got tired of that.  My go to cereal now is blueberry shredded mini wheats. YUM!!! Also, hot fudge Sundays...............

And here is my 30.5 week belly pic.  Apparently my belly now pokes out farther than my boobs, which really says something...(Also, I'll add a picture of my 10 week belly for comparison). 

And with the weather getting cooler and September coming to an end (is it just me or did September FLY by?!?!?!) I'm going to get my Halloween decorations out!


It's been such a great few days, I hope work tonight and tomorrow night doesn't ruin it.


Now, if you've read all of this, I applaud you.  Sorry it was so long!

Doctor's visit and clothes!

I had my 29 week appointment at 2pm today.  I worked last night and only slept a few hours so my doctor doctor's nurse was able to check out my swelling. It's still really bad.  This morning when I was getting ready to leave work my ankles were completely gone.  It was horrible.  But my blood pressure is still perfect.

I got to the doctor's office and was immediately called back.  It was a little strange.  There was no one in the waiting room.  Usually I have to wait a while.  Anyway, I got called back, got weighed (I hated seeing the number on the scale, but it's only 3+ lbs in a month).  I peed in a cup and got my blood pressure taken.  I found out I once again have a UTI.  I have absolutely no symptoms.  (My my doctor said he has seen a few people lately have resistance to the antibiotic I took last month, so he prescribed me something different.)  The nurse took me to a room and told me my doctor was "catching a baby" next door at the hospital. So I waited about 25 minutes in the room.  I completely understand and in a way it was nice to know that in a couple months, I could be that person in labor and my doctor would be there instead of at the clinic.  

When my doctor came back he did the usual and checked Tanner's heart rate.  Staying true to the old wive's tale his  heart rate was 135.  I asked my doctor about pushing and pulling at work and cramping.  He said I need to be careful because during pregnancy your ab muscles stretch so much and there is a weak spot where you can push/pull too much and get a hernia.  I also asked him if there is a way to tell the difference between braxton hicks contractions and baby positioning.  He said there is no way to know unless you're hooked up to the monitors.   He said if I have 4 in an hour, I'm probably pushing it activity wise and I need to lay down for a while.  If I have 6 or more, I need to go to the hospital and get hooked up to monitors.  I'm thinking last week at work I had three during the night.  So I know I need to take it slow.  They did tell me that I need to tell them if/when I need to stop work. 

I know next week is going to be so tough on me.  Working two nights on, two off, two on, two off, and then two on again.  I'm not looking forward to it at all, and apparently we are "short staffed" those days in the middle when I wanted to take off one day.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I know so many women who work right up to the day they go into labor, but I honestly don't think I can do it.  

Once I got done with my appointment and was getting ready to walk out of the room, my doctor got another call because another patient was pushing and ready to deliver her baby.  He said he had 4 babies born yesterday and working on 3 today.  It made me more and more excited, and nervous at the same time.

When I got home I got a knock at the door.  It was the mailman delivering a package that I've been anxiously waiting for.  Two weekends ago Carter's and Osh Kosh Bigosh were having a 50% off everything online and in stores.  So Nick and I went shopping (online of course,  we have to drive an hour and a half to go shopping here in Oklahoma).  So I took a few pictures to show off here on my blog.  I love everything we ordered!

The box! Yay!

Nick really liked this hooded towel.  I have to agree.

And I absolutely love this little jacket! It's size 3 months, so I hope it will work out for this winter.  It's so soft, and I wish we had more!  The other colors were sold out.

We had to get a little something country for our little guy.  I'm planning on taking him to atwoods and getting some little cowboy boots and Carhartt overalls next year.  This shirt is 12 months so I hope it ends up working next year.

I absolutely love this blue jean jacket! It's 12 months and I hope it fits him next year!

Well, I'm probably going to go get some dinner put together.  I will be 29 weeks tomorrow, which is so exciting! I can't believe I'm almost 3/4 done!

I guess I'm pretty bad at this...

I think I know what my problem is with this whole late updating thing.  There are several things throughout the week that I want to post in a blog but I always tell myself I'll wait and add it to the weekly update.  But when it's time to do the update I either end up forgetting what I was going to talk about or forgetting to blog at all.  So for now on I think I'll probably have a few little short posts throughout the week, hopefully, and then a weekly update.  I know it will be easier to update when Tanner is actually here because I will want to take tons of pictures to post so my family can watch him grow and not miss out on stuff.  Plus, I wont be working, so that helps out a ton.


So today I'm 28 1/2 weeks.  I don't know if my belly looks any bigger from other people's view but it sure feels different.  It's a lot harder, and Tanner is a lot bigger.  I feel kicks, punches, and flipping in different spots at the same time.  I think he likes to dance.  I will play a song on my phone and put it to my belly and he moves each time.  I've also felt hiccups a few more times.


Some symptoms...hmmm.  I get heartburn at work often.  I think it's because I work nights and that's when I usually feel it.  I get it at home too, but I can usually ignore it and go back to sleep.  Thank goodness for Pepcid, even though it makes me gag when I chew the chalky pill.  Yuck.  But it's pretty much instant relief.


I also think I'm getting quite a few Braxton Hicks contractions at work.  It doesnt' hurt but it feels strange.  My whole belly gets hard.  I'm going to ask the doctor on Tuesday how I can differentiate between BH contractions and baby's positioning.  But I'm pretty sure it's BH contractions I'm feeling.  And in between those and my still swelling feet/legs, I get cramps in my abdomen when I do a lot of pushing/pulling at work.  It's pretty hard to avoid when staffing isn't that great.  I'm going to talk to the doctor about that too.


But yes, I'm still swelling.  Cutting back at work has helped, but it seems like I'm swelling more at home now, when I'm not doing anything.  I'm hoping that is normal swelling now.  I don't know.


My appetite is changing too, I think.  I'm not really getting that 'hungry' feeling anymore.  I'm not eating as much during the day.  I'll eat because I know I need to.  I don't know if that's coming from my stomach getting squished or if I'd just rather sleep.  I don't feel like I'm ever not tired any more.  I hate night shift.  The only plus, is I really enjoy the people I work with.


Now, back to movement...Just now as I was typing this I felt my stomach get kind of tight.  I felt it and it was obviously baby.  Nick put his hand on him and was able to move him.  It's pretty cool to interact with this little thing growing inside of me.  I'm so looking forward to interacting with him on the outside. But...


I've been having mixed emotions lately.  We have less than 3 months left until Tanner's due date.  I'm so excited to have this new chapter of my life starting!  But at the same time Nick and I have less than 3 months of it just being the two of us.  And I feel like I'm missing out of it.  When Nick's home I'm working or catching up on sleep and when Nick's at work I'm home.


On a positive note, the weather here the past week has been incredible!  We had 55-60 days of 100+ degree weather this summer.  It was so incredibly miserable.  But the past week the hottest it got was in the mid 80's I think.  The 70s feel so great!  Each window in the house is open and I'm back to going for my nightly walks.  The cats love when the back door is open.  They chirp at the birds on the bird bath.  And best of all, the nice weather puts me in a good mood, even if I'm tired.  I walked to the commissary yesterday for some bagel bites.  It always puts me in a good mood (the walk and the bagel bites-haha).  I think we have a few days this next week that will be in the 90s.  It's not open window weather, but it's better than the 110 we're use to.  And besides, it's going back into the 80s after that.  I love it!


Well, that's all the rambling I can think about right now.  I'll post on Tuesday for sure after my doctor's visit. And I'll try harder to just post some short posts when I think of something I was to say instead of waiting.


Now, for a belly picture.  (Not my favorite part of this updating thing)

Doctor update

Got back from the doctor today.  It was a pretty good appointment, nothing too much to report.  My blood pressure is still great, and I no longer have a UTI.  I did get a note from my doctor to give to my boss though.  I'm not going to work more than 2 nights in a row, because by the third night my swelling is out of control.  I've lost 4 lbs since my appointment last week...4 lbs since I last worked.  My doctor said he could put me on bed rest but I would get so sick of it and want to get up.  I'm hoping upping my water intake, one less 12 hour shift, and some compression stockings to wear during work will help my swelling.


I also had my glucose tolerance test.  The drink wasn't as bad as I was thinking it was going to be.  It was like a super sweet, flat orange soda.  I didn't care for it very much, but Tanner enjoyed it.  His heart rate was much faster today and he kept kicking the doppler when my doctor was listening to his heart rate.  I couldn't help but giggle each time.


My next appointment is in 4 weeks.  By that appointment I will be in the third trimester! :)

24 weeks! Viability! AND Nursery!

Today I am 24 weeks 4 days.  It's amazing to know that at 24 weeks, a baby has a chance to live if, God forbid, it is born this early. I can't believe we're this far along already! 


Other than the constant swelling, back pain, heartburn, and sciatica, I'm feeling great! (I would be feeling better if I didn't work nights and actually had decent sleep).  I went to the doctor's office to my my doctor's nurse on Wednesday morning.  She did a few checks, said I'm not spilling any protein in my urine (yet), but I do have a UTI that I had NO idea I had.  No symptoms.  My blood pressure is also just fine.  She advised me to continue watching it, and if it ever rises to 140/90 or more to come get checked out.  She also mentioned how she doesn't know how much longer I'll be able to work because I'm swelling as much as a full term pregnancy can.  And I have 15 +/- more weeks to go!  She checked my hands and ankles for my swelling.  I was swelling more than I thought as well, because it was all the way to my knees. (I had just gotten off work, as well).  She moved my appointment that was scheduled for the 25th to this Tuesday, the 16th.  I also have my glucose testing that day.  Not looking forward to that one.  I have to go to work that night and I've heard after drinking the glucose drink you can feel pretty crappy. But, I'm looking forward to getting a check up to see how little boy is doing!


 I absolutely love the daily kicks, punches, and hiccups. I can't help but smile every time!  Lately I will feel this strange sensation and movement in my belly, I'll put my hand on that spot and I can feel Tanner.  I don't know if it's a baby butt, or head or maybe even a back but I love it!  I'll rub it a little, especially if it feels a little uncomfortable, and he'll move away.  


The nursery is coming along very nicely!  It's actually very adorable, and I can't wait to spend time in there with my little guy. I'll add quite a few pictures of the nursery project:

Here is a dresser that needed a little fixin' up.  We took the colors in the crib bedding to match colors.

Here's the crib my sweet hubby put together!

I had a few extra little pillows I figured would help during feedings, so I took the paint chips from the dresser to Hobby Lobby and found a great fabric.

Here's our little big helper.

And a few pictures of what we have so far...

AND.......A bump picture...

23 Weeks

It's been a long week, pregnancy and non pregnancy related.  I started my first week of night shift.  The work isn't hard, just getting back to a normal schedule is.


Last weekend we got the crib, stroller, and car seat.  We also finished the dresser for the nursery.  We started working hard on it, and I began thinking of a ton of ideas for the room.  But Tuesday rolled around and I went to work.  It's now Saturday, I have no idea why this day got here so fast, and honestly I don't like it much.  I want to get back into the groove of getting the nursery put together, but once that happens, it will be time for work again.


Relating to pregnancy, this week has been something else.  Heartburn has kicked in.  I've never had heartburn before, and now it's a daily occurrence.  Pepcid is my new best friend.


I've also gotten more and more swelling.  I noticed the swelling over 6 weeks ago, but this week it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to worry about it a little.  I go to work or stand up for a little while and I no longer have ankles.  It takes a couple of days resting and not being on my feet to get rid of the 3+ pitting edema in my feet.  I've also had to take off my rings.  Luckily my sweet husband bought me a new, larger ring to wear while I'm all poofy.  My face is so swollen as well.


I'm also having more and more trouble breathing.  It's hard to determine whether it's from the swelling or from Tanner squishing my insides.  But it's awfully early for either one isn't it?


Here are my ankles right after getting home from work Friday morning.

    And here is a picture of one of my ankles after 12 hours of rest and staying off my feet.  I pressed on it to show how much swelling was still there.

I was swelling a little at my last appointment but my doctor didn't seemed phased by it at all.  He's super lax on a ton of things, which in itself worries me.  My BP is still good, so that's a plus.  But I'm going to keep an eye on it and keep monitoring my BP.  Also going to up my water intake and lower salt.


Another thing that has hit pretty hard this past week is sciatica.  Ouch.  It feels like I am getting stabbed each time I move my leg.  Luckily today it isn't too bad.


I can't really comment on how my sleep is.  I'm still trying to get into some sort of routine with night shift.  Last night I went to sleep at midnight, slept until 2:30am, and stayed awake until 6am.  Once Nick got up to go work out I slept a couple more hours.  Hopefully it's better tonight.  I think if it wasn't for night shift I would be sleeping just fine.


Here is my 23 week 3 day bump picture.  My swollen face and massive boobs give my belly a run for it's money.

And here is a fun picture.  It's the "view from up here", with one of my cats, Harry, joining in.

Long overdue post and 22 weeks?

I am a complete slacker! Not really, but I feel like one.  It's been a while since I've updated.  But I think I have pretty good excuses.  I worked all week long, then a friend of ours came into town and stayed with us for a few days.  Before he left, my parents visited! It was a fantastic week with them! When they had to leave, I had to go back to work.  But here I am finally updating.


Since having our anatomy scan and finding out Tanner is measuring 2 weeks ahead I was wondering how I would do these updates.  I would get my update emails saying he should be 10.5 oz when two weeks prior he weighed 13-15 oz.  I had finally figured out I would just give a general update on how I was feeling and how Tanner is growing and moving.


I had my monthly appointment today and not only did the ultrasound results look great, he truly is measuring way ahead so tanner is now due on November 30th, not December 10th.  It was so neat to think I was 20 weeks pregnant...half way...and then find out I get to skip two whole weeks!  I am 22 weeks pregnant exactly today.  So now my update day is Wednesday, not Saturday.


I am feeling pretty good most days, just some slight nausea here and there.  I can't stand the fact that I have to eat every few hours or else I feel sick...the scale hates the fact as well.  I was so overwhelmed at what the scale said today. Let's just say it's a lot more than I planned.


I am having a lot of swelling already.  By my 2nd and 3rd day working my ankles no longer exist.  I am also worried I am going to have to remove my rings before too long.  I'm going to up my water intake and try to stay off my feet when I can (which is going to be hard because I can feel my nesting instinct wanting to start up).  My doctor doesn't seem worried at all about it, so that helps a little.


Tanner is moving around all day and night!  I absolutely love the feeling!  I'm starting to feel kicks higher and higher on my belly.  I'm also able to feel him from the outside more often now.  If Nick puts his cheek to my belly he gets kicked too. :)


I love shopping for Tanner!  We've gotten so much already, which will be a separate post, I promise! I can imagine what the nursery is going to look like, and I am so excited!


Well, sitting here thinking about eating often to keep myself from getting sick, and watching Food Network is making me hungry.  So I will post a couple bump pictures from this week and last week since I was a slacker.

This first picture is from last week.  We spent the day outside in the 100+ degree weather looking at the different planes our base has.  I was so hot and so thirsty by the time we got home.  I plopped down on the couch and couldn't move.

This next picture is today at 22 weeks. 

Oh, and by the way, Tanner is the size of a spaghetti squash! :)