Wesley's breastfeeding struggles

I was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed Tanner for 20 months.  He self weaned when I was in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy.  I figured since we had such an amazing breastfeeding journey (we fought through many issues but it always made us stronger) nursing my second baby was going to be a piece of cake.  Especially since we just stopped nursing 6 months ago.  Boy was I wrong. 

Wesley had some latching problems when he was first born.  Meaning, he just wouldn't latch, period.  Even if I attempted to use a nipple shield. So I was pumping around the clock at the hospital and attempting to get him to nurse as often as I could. He started losing weight (like normal), and the nurses were not happy with it. (For being a pro-breastfeeding facility they were pretty old school, unfortunately). The nurses were trying so hard to get me to supplement with formula, but my milk came in at 36 hours, and I knew I didn't need to do that. We attempted to use an SNS (supplemental nursing system), with pumped breast milk, in the hospital and at home, but it was incredibly frustrating and never really worked.  

At Wesley's first doctor visit he lost 14% of his birth weight.  The  pediatrician started freaking out and almost had us readmitted to the hospital.   Instead we had weight checks every couple of days.  I ended up having to try to nurse him, then pump, and then bottle feed him.  I was so worried about how I was going to be able to do this every 3 hours (when it took an hour and a half each time) and take care of my 2 year old at the same time.  This was the only time I felt like I had baby blues or the beginnings of depression.  I was crying all the time.  

We made an appointment with a lactation consultant and found out Wesley has a high arched palate, and that is the reason he wasn't latching.  She told us he would grow into it with time.  I was so relieved.  Because after doing a weighed feeding with the nipple shield, he was barely getting half an ounce of milk from me. 

(Reminder, we had this same problem with Tanner.  He wouldn't gain any weight until we weaned from the nipple shield).  I was determined to get Wesley to latch.  I didn't get my vbac. My incision had opened up again. I needed one thing to go my way. 

God heard my prayers. The day before Nick had to go back to work I decided to try to get Wesley to latch without the shield one more time. He did it!!! And he has never had any issues since! I don't even have any pain, he's got a perfect latch. It was like a light switch flipped, and he just figured it out! He was one day shy of two weeks old.  From that moment on I cut out the pumping.  I was so happy to have that extra time back.  I can actually spend time with Tanner during the day. 

Wesley is still a slow gainer though. But Tanner was, too, so I'm not worried.  Today Wesley weighed 7lbs 11oz. One ounce above his birth weight. He is nursing great now. And I'm happy with that.  I'm sure Wesley will be a little tank, just like Tanner is now.  

Breastfeeding and Weaning

Well, I knew the day was coming soon.  We've had some pretty big obstacles to overcome, but we made it to almost 20 months breastfeeding!  I'm very proud of how we did.  Back when we were having painful latching issues around 11 months, I thought I was going to have to wean Tanner on my own.  But thankfully, we made it through that and made it 9 additional months! I was so upset back then thinking we may have to wean.  I wasn't ready, and Tanner definitely wasn't ready, either.

But now, I don't feel sad at all.  Tanner weaned on his own.  This is what is supposed to happen.  And I'm thankful it happened the way it did.  Typically a pregnant woman who is still nursing will have drastic problems with milk supply later in pregnancy.  I'm glad Tanner weaned before that happened.  I would have been upset to think he didn't know where his milk was!  

The first week in August is World Breastfeeding Week. And I sort of think it's funny how the last day Tanner nursed was July 31st. 

Sweet moments like this.

Im typing this on my phone while I'm in bed because I need to write this down before I forget. 

Tanner turned 19 months old yesterday. And yesterday marked 19 months that we've shared that special bond nursing. In the past month Tanner has one from nursing 3 times a day, to only once in the morning. So this morning I cherished it a little longer. I talked to him, and he talked back. (I know he was just picking up on words I was saying but it was so sweet)

I told him that I knew our special bonding time was going to stop soon, and that I will miss it. I told him other ways we could share special time together. And he replied, "Yeah! Yeah!" 

Then I told him how well we did, in relation to breastfeeding. How we overcame a lot of difficulties. We passed our goal of 12 months and were able to enjoy it. And Tanner said, "wooooow!"

 I told him "you know not everyone is able to do this, and that's ok". In which he replied, "no, I know."  

After that cute little conversation I had with him I couldn't help but imagine what he would look like in another year. Or what he will do when he's an adult. I know this time I have with him where I can swoop him up in my arms and kiss his little lips is short lived. He won't want his momma doing that soon. So I am taking every single day one at a time and enjoying the heck out of it. I can't believe God blessed me with such an amazing life with the most wonderful family. 

Holey Nipples!

(This is the post I wrote for the Breastfast Club series over at Nurse Loves Farmer.  So it might sound a little funny.)

When I was pregnant with my son, I did what all other moms-to-be do, read.  I spent numerous hours with my nose in books (or in my laptop) reading information on being a mom.  I never really had to think about breastfeeding, though.  I always knew I would do it. From learning about all the wonderful “powers” breast milk has in nursing school, to calculating the cost of formula each month, it was a no-brainer.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but the closer I got to my due date, the more determined I became to make it work.

Tanner was born, and months flew by. Nursing seemed to come naturally to us (after getting past the brand new baby/sore nips stage, that is). After being pregnant for 9 months and having my son to myself for that whole time, breastfeeding was that special thing only I could do after he was born.  I grew to love it more and more, and so did he. 

Yes, I am nursing him here. I'm a little busty, haha!

And then when my Tanner was 10.5 months old, everything changed.  It started out as what felt like an uncomfortable latch.  Then it turned into raw spots on my nipples.  And then, holes.  Yes, holes.  It was almost like my son decided he wanted to use his teeth to latch on after 10 months of nursing perfectly.  The holes grew as did the pain.  I searched and searched for answers to why this was happening.  All I could find was, “what to do when your baby bites”, or “how to get over sore nipples with a newborn”.  Nothing applied to my situation.  I kept thinking, I couldn’t be the only person out there with this problem!  All I could do was try to change positions.  And each time I would do that I would get new holes.  At the peak of this terrible issue I had 7-10 deep, ½ inch long holes in each of my nipples. No amount of position changes, latch fixes, or creams helped. I couldn’t even get them to heal.

I had 6 weeks to make it to my breastfeeding goal of a year when this all began.  And I remember thinking to myself, “only 2 more days…”, while I screamed out loud from the pain as my sweet boy nursed before bedtime. 

I wasn’t ready to stop nursing.  But it had gotten so bad I didn’t know what else to do.  So I slowly introduced WCM to my son and decided I would stop cold turkey.  I spent all day and night crying my eyes out.  I seriously felt like a part of me was dying. 

I took this picture thinking it was my last time nursing him. I wanted to remember it forever.  I was also bawling my eyes out.

I didn’t nurse him for a full 36 hours. But during the afternoon after the 36 hour mark my Tanner crawled into my lap, signed “milk”, and pulled on my t-shirt.  I began crying again and I unhooked my nursing bra.  I gave in, and he nursed.  And there was no pain.

No pain.

I can only assume it was the time I was able to give myself to heal, and the prayers sent from not only me, but my loving family and friends.  I knew the problem wasn’t fixed though.  Something caused this latching problem and I needed to figure it out, fast, before the pain returned. 

What changed at the 10.5 month mark?  Why did my son stop nursing like he use to, when he would nurse perfectly fine 8-10 times a day for so long? And then, DING DING DING!!!! I figured it out.  Right around the time we began having this problem, I introduced a sippy cup.  And not any normal sippy, but a straw sippy cup. The kind that the straw has to be bitten to open the valve to get the water out.  He learned to bite the straw to drink, and he began doing the same thing to me when he nursed.  Right then and there the straw sippys were thrown out.  After a week or two with new sippy cups his latch was fixed! 

It took a lot of time, and patience, but I wasn’t ready to wean him.  And he wasn’t ready either.  I am so thankful for finally getting past those 8 weeks.  It was the most excruciating pain I have felt, probably because my heart was breaking as well. But I am happy to say my Tanner is now 15 months old and nursing is still going strong! Almost like we never had any bump in the road at all!

2 Years!

If you're uncomfortable reading about feminine things, don't read on any further. Since I am not going to cater to whomever reads my blog, I don't care what I write about anymore.  

I'm pretty excited.  Today marks two years since I last had a period.  I will thank Tanner breastfeeding for that.  I definitely had it lucky, as many of my friends with nursing babies had their period return much, much sooner.  

But it will be nice to have it come back at some point.  I'd like to maybe think about having another baby at some point.  :)

Speaking about nursing, it's been a very long time since I posted a nursing updated.  I wrote a post on a problem I had a couple of months ago and sent it to Sarah over at Nurse Loves Farmer.  She started a series called the Breastfast Club which is a bunch of different, unique stories on breastfeeding. They will be posted on Wednesdays. I will post my story I wrote for her on my blog tomorrow.  

My Type of Parenting Part 1

I loved the idea of writing about the type of parent I am/want to be.  I got the idea from a couple of blog momma friends I have online. So, thanks girls!

Judge me if you must, I couldn’t care less.  Obviously parenting styles vary so much and some things don’t work for some people.  These things work for us.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

I feel so passionate about this, and feel very blessed that this is working for us.  After having a hard pregnancy, a very difficult 47 hour labor, a delivery that I do not remember, and an aggravating recovery (an incision that is STILL not healed completely) I can’t be too bitter.  I was never one for the “dream birth” experience.  I knew what was going to happen would, and I would just go with the flow.  The one thing I wanted most was to be able to breastfeed my child. 

You could say I did a ton little bit of reading and researching during my pregnancy on various things.  The number one thing I wanted to do was breastfeed.  There are so many reasons why.  I read books, searched message boards, and followed lactation consultants on facebook and twitter.  I wanted to gather as much information as I could stuff in my brain. I really wanted this to work.

**In no way am I bashing formula.  I know not every mother is able to breastfeed, and it’s a difficult journey for others. I was formula fed and I turned out just fine. These are just my thoughts; reasons why I choose to breastfeed.**

My desire to breastfeed started when I read my first breastfeeding “how-to” book.  I learned how breastmilk is basically “liquid gold”.  It has all my antibodies against illnesses and keeps Tanner’s immune system strong.  It also can cure pink eye, eczema, scratches, cradle cap, and so on.  It’s so healthy for him.

Not to mention, it’s free.  I don’t have to buy formula every week.  I don’t have to buy, sterilize, make, heat, clean, or store bottles.  It’s extremely convenient.  I have food for Tanner with me all the time. 

Although the health aspect of breastmilk is wonderful, it’s not the best reason why I chose to breastfeed (see, no formula bashing here). The best reason, for me, is the bonding aspect I feel I get with him.  That, and the amazing fact that my body can care and provide what my son needs to live.  It blows me away.  God is so good!

The main reason why I wanted to post this “series” on my blog is because most of the parenting things I do are considered controversial to some people.  Definitely not to the majority of my friends, but there are people out there that ruin good things. 

And with that being said, I’m extremely disappointed in our American society. Apparently breasts are only meant for sexual purposes.  Even though they were MADE FOR FEEDING OUR CHILDREN.  I’ve had numerous friends tell stories about how people judge them for breastfeeding.  Mostly for breastfeeding in public.  How extremely hypocritical is that?!  No one ever gets on to women feeding their babies with bottles.  Women nursing are glared at and whispered about.  There are even the bold people who will straight up and tell the nursing mother to go to the car, or to the bathroom to feed her child because it’s “disgusting”, or “inappropriate”.  And can you believe the majority of judging people are other women!  I’d love to tell them to go eat their lunch in the bathroom!

I was so scared to fly home back in February because I knew I would need to feed Tanner in the airport and on the plane.  But now, after almost 4 months of successful breastfeeding I don’t care.

 I am covered when I am in public, which is my personal preference.  Although I give high praise to those women who do it uncovered.  Tanner is at the age where he likes to pull the cover off, but that won’t stop me from feeding my baby anywhere he decides he wants to eat. 

Next post in my little “series” shouldn’t be as long as this one. 

Almost 8 Weeks Old!

I know, I've been a blog slacker!  Sorry!


I'm just absolutely enjoying being a momma!  My heart is so full of love for my little man!  He really is growing up so fast!  I couldn't really tell if he was getting bigger until I held my friend's adorable newborn last week.  And now, it's obvious.  I'm excited and sad at the same time.  I look over at Tanner now, falling asleep in his swing and I want to cry because of my love for him and knowing he's not going to be this little for long.  I'm sure the sad country song on the radio isn't helping that though...

We have a great routine going on so far.  Little man usually wakes up around 7am to eat and occasionally takes a quick 30 minute nap after that.  Then he's usually up until he eats next around 10am.  We've been trying to let him play for a while before he naps again, because he used to sleep all day long, but that's changing.  He will typically eat every 2.5-3 hours during the day (and I will pretty much enforce that until his next appointment next week to make sure he really is gaining weight appropriately-although he has been telling me when he is hungry). We are slowly getting better at our adult meal times.  For a long time he just knew we were eating and would wake up fussing and acting like he was hungry.  No matter what, he knew we were eating.  It was funny...for a little while. He will eat before dinner is ready and again around 8:30-9pm.  We will cuddle and play until it's time for us all to go to bed.  We usually get Tanner ready around 10-10:30 and I will nurse him again in bed to "top him off".  Then we put him in his pack n play and he either is already passed out or he will stare around for a little while and then fall sleep.  And for the past week and a half he has slept 6-7 hours until about 5am.  It's been great!


Nursing has been incredible.  I am so thankful everything is working out now!  We have been shieldless for a whole week today! And ever since Tanner has become more proficient at nursing and only takes 15-20 minutes to eat versus the 45+ minutes it was before.  It took a long time and a lot of work to wean from the shield but it was so worth it!  I believe because of the shield he has a fantastic latch and I have no pain. Ever. And I think it really helps us bond too.


Sometimes when he's done nursing and burping at our early morning feeding, I will lay him in my arms and rock him in the glider.  He stares at me and smiles.  It melts my heart every.single.time.


Tanner's favorite thing right now is still the mirror on the activity mat.  He loves staring at himself!  He also loves going for walks in the stroller.  The weather has been beautiful for winter and we have been able to go often.


I also think he's starting to teethe.  He will eat and immediately when he's done he starts chewing on his fist.  He's drooling a lot and is slightly more fussy lately.  I can see two little tooth buds right at the surface of his gums in the front bottom of his mouth.  I can feel them as well if I rub my finger on them.


He has his 2 month appointment on the 8th.  I'm looking forward to seeing how much he weighs and how long he is.  He is starting to make some of his footed sleepers uncomfortable because he seems so long.  But he's still a skinny little guy.  I'm NOT looking forward to his shots though.  It's going to break my heart, I just know it!


That's enough blabbing for now, here are some pictures I took this morning!

Doing so good holding things!

Cross eyed

Happy baby!

Starting to tolerate tummy time.

Still a little small for this cute outfit. (Yes, Dad.  I said "outfit") Haha

There goes this outfit for today.  This is what usually happens with his clothes.   We change him  4+ times a day most days.

Mommy & baby time!  

Nursing troubles

This isn't the post I wanted to finish writing last week.  That one will be pretty long and I just haven't gotten to writing it yet.  Tanner fell asleep in his car seat at the Pedi's office so I brought him in and let him continue sleeping for a little while.  That's why I'm writing this post now.


Tanner is almost 4 weeks old and he has just now gotten back to his birth weight.  He is not dehydrated.  He has 10-12 wet and dirty diapers a day.  He has grown a little taller and his head has grown 1 cm.  But for some reason he will just not gain weight.  He was 1 oz away from his birth weight last week.  The Pedi wanted me to pump and give him a bottle to see how much he would eat after he nursed.  We've been doing that a couple times a day.  He will take anywhere from 2-4oz after an hour long nursing session.


The Pedi is worried because she said she wouldn't think he would take more than 4oz total per feeding at this point in time, so if he is nursing for an hour and then taking 3oz after obviously he's not getting enough from me.  The problem isn't me, as I'm producing plenty of milk.  But for some reason he isn't able to get the milk from me.

I'm going to try to pump way more and give him a bottle after every nursing session.  I hope this works because I do not want to give him formula if I can  help it.  It just sucks because I will be hooked up to something all day long, either Tanner nursing, or pumping.  And when I'm done with that it will be time to do it all over again.  I sure hope we can figure this out!

Long time no post

So it's been a while since I've updated.  Lots of things have happened.  I'll do a quick update on some of those things and I will try to update a little more since I'm starting to get use to having a little one on my own without family here to help.


First, Tanner has yet to get back to his birth weight and he will be 3 weeks old tomorrow.  He was 7lbs 9.8oz at birth and at his 1 week appointment he was down to 6lb 13oz.  we went back 5 days later and he was up to 7lb 4oz.  So we set an appointment to go back today and he is only 7lb 8oz.  I could have sworn he was gaining.  He has filled out and he seems heavier.  He's eating every 2-3 hours during the day and every 3-4 hours at night.  He eats for 30+ minutes a session and has ton of wet and dirty diapers.


Nick seems to think they didn't weigh him right at the hospital because they said his length at birth was 20.5 inches but being measured twice at the clinic he measured shorter than that.  I don't know if that is the case, but I still figured he would be gaining more.  It is really frustrating because I am trying my hardest to feed him and everything seems just fine.  He doesn't complain like he's hungry or anything.  I've been told to start pumping and giving him a bottle after he nurses to see how much more he eats.  I'm not looking forward to being hooked up to the pump in between feedings.....


Also, a week after we got home from the hospital my incision opened up.  It started draining a ton of fluid.  For the first 2 days it was coming out like a little faucet.  And each day the hole got bigger and deeper.  It's been a week and a half and the drainage is slowing down.  I've been to the doctor 3 times to check it.  My doctor is not concerned.  I started antibiotics just in case, but he said it wasn't infected (I beg to differ).  I go back again on the 9th of January, which is also my 4 week postpartum visit.  I can't wait until this heals.  If it wasn't for the big hole in my abdomen I would be feeling great!  The rest of my incision is healing beautifully.  My doctor says some people just develop these seromas after surgery.


But some good news, I've lost almost 30lbs in 3 weeks.  I have ankles again and I can wear my wedding band!  I'm starting to recognize myself in the mirror again and I love it!


Tanner is starting to wake up so I am going to end this for now.  I still have some other things I want to blog about and I will try to get that done sometime this week.  Now here are some pictures of my little man!  These were taken back to back, Tanner makes lots of cute faces.