Wesley's Birth Story

I guess I should go ahead and write this before I forget everything.  I don't really know where to start.  

Maybe from the beginning.  The very beginning.  I knew when we conceived Wesley.  But since I was still nursing Tanner, my cycles were a bit crazy.  Based on my last menstrual period (the due date my doctor went by) my due date was January 28th.  But I knew it was about 10-14 days later.  I had two early ultrasounds and they both agreed with my doctor.  Which made arguing my due date pretty difficult.  I kept hoping since my cycles were weird, that maybe my doctor was right.  I so wanted that VBAC. And since my doctor won't deliver VBACs past 41 weeks, I had a feeling it would end not the way I hoped for.  

I suppose I can fast forward to a week before my "due date".  I lost my mucous plug and began having prodromal labor.  Non painful contractions all day every single day.  I was slowly dilating.  My body was working!  But just not as fast as my doctor was wanting.  But seeing as I thought I wasn't due for a few more weeks, it all made sense.  I was walking everyday, sitting on my birthing ball, relaxing, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, eating dates, the whole nine yards.  Every natural induction technique you can think of, I did it.  (No castor oil, though).  My repeat c-section was scheduled for 7am on Tuesday morning.

Monday came.  I called my doctor hoping I would be able to postpone my section until Thursday or Friday.  I just needed a little more time.  So he had me come in to be checked.  Everything was still perfect.  Blood pressure was low, no protein in my urine...But I was still only 1cm dilated.  He did a pretty intense membrane sweep to hopefully get things started that day/night before the c-section the next morning.  While he was doing that I had a little scare.  He couldn't find Wesley's head!  A few nights before that he had been moving like crazy.  I just figured he was maybe getting into a better position for birth.  Not once did it cross my mind that he may have flipped breech!  So we went to have a quick ultrasound.  This was pretty neat, because my mom and Tanner got to see!  Wesley wasn't breech, he was just floating really high.  But since I hadn't "progressed" since my appointment the week prior, the c-section was still scheduled for the next morning.  I went home a little bummed but still a bit hopeful.  I got one more big walk in and was having some contractions and slight cramping the whole time!  

That night was pretty miserable.  A big snow storm was working it's way into Oklahoma.  My doula was driving north to stay with family so she could be there for us.  It would be about a 20 minute drive vs over an hour (that's without snow).  We wanted to get to the hospital extra early so we wouldn't have to drive in the snow.  We needed to be there at 5am.  The snow was predicted to come in at 4am.  So, we left the house at 3:15.  It was snowing.  (It snowed the day we drove to the hospital to have Tanner, too).  I was having contractions every 4,6,9 minutes.  I was sort of hoping I could talk them into starting a slow induction since I was contracting and We would be there extra early.  The nurse checked me, and I was still 1cm. 

Last ever bump picture. I can't believe how swollen I was!

At that point I had to change my way of thinking.  I knew my VBAC wasn't going to happen. The anesthesiologist was on her way to talk to me.   I needed to to drop the one thing that had been on my mind constantly for 9 months.  I needed to start thinking about how I could make this c-section family oriented and a healing thing.  My doula read some scriptures to me and I tried to keep them in my mind.  

So, so swollen.

I got hooked up to monitors, got my IV, got fluids, meds, antibiotics, and my blood drawn.  All in what seemed like 10 minutes.  I was thinking it was still around 5:30 when they said it was almost time to go back.  It was 6:45.  I was so scared.  

Walking to the OR was such a strange feeling.  I've done it plenty of times before as a nurse, but this time I was on the other side.  So white. So cold.  So sterile.  I was very thankful for the wonderful nurse who was there with me.  They all knew I was a nurse and that I worked at that hospital.  It must have been in my file, because I didn't tell them.  They talk to me differently than I think they would if I wasn't a nurse.  Maybe that's a good thing?

I hopped up onto the table and they began talking me through the spinal.  I had a contraction right before.  I tried to remember the way it felt.  I knew it would be the last one I ever felt.  Thinking about that now hurts a little bit.  Bittersweet, I suppose.  The spinal hurt just a little bit.  I'm pretty sure the part that hurt the most was the local anesthetic they used to numb the area first.  And soon my feet started feeling warm.  The warm sensation slowly started moving up my legs and to my belly.  They helped me lay down and started doing the prep work.  And then I heard my doctor's voice.  Usually you would want your doctor's voice to be comforting.  But the bitter feeling I had for him after Tanner was born was back.  And much worse.  (It would get a lot worse the next night, but I'll get to that).  But things were moving so fast, and I wanted to concentrate on what was going on around me.  With Tanner's c-section I was so sick that I don't remember it.  I wanted to be able to hear them talking, and I wanted to hear Wesley's cry.  They gave me oxygen, and I started feeling tugging and pulling.  I started shaking.  Which is normal.  They tried to tell me not to fight it.  That there was nothing I could do to get it to stop until the anesthesia wore off.  

The next thing that happened was so comforting.  I saw Nick's eyes.  He was there holding my hand and talking to me.  My doula was there, too!  Usually they won't let more than one person back in the OR, because it's a "small room".  But my sweet husband kindly reminded them that there were 6 nursing students in the OR when I had my first c-section.  He didn't back down.  I'm so thankful!  My doula took pictures for us.  

I heard my doctor say, "chubby cheeks! Look at that hair! LOTS of hair!".  Nick immediately tried to stand up to see.  The anesthesiologist got mad at him and told him to sit down.  Which made him mad.  He was able to watch with Tanner, but we had a different anesthesiologist. I'm sure she just didn't want him to pass out or something.   And before I knew it my doctor had Wesley in his hands.  They opened the little window and I got to see my boy!  My eyes immediately filled with tears.  And the weight of this pregnancy and the constant stress/worry for that VBAC I wanted was gone.  My boy was here!  I got to hear his little voice!  

Getting ready to see my baby for the first time

While they were cleaning him up and weighing him my doctor was telling me how my uterus looked great.  He wouldn't worry if I wanted to get pregnant again.  (I don't, by the way) The nurse and Nick brought Wesley to me and to got to touch his precious face.  He was born at 7:21am.  Weighing 7 lbs 9.75 oz.  That's pretty much the exact same weight Tanner was (7 lb 9.8 oz). He was 19.5 inches long. They took him to the nursery, and said they would bring him back to me in recovery in a few minutes.  

Listening to my baby!

The part I would find out about the next night is about the test they did on him in the OR.  I guess it's called the Doobawitz.  Or something that sounds like that.  They do a bunch of different tests to determine how far along he actually was.  My doctor thinks 41 weeks.  The test showed he was 39 weeks.  Just like I thought.  I'm trying really hard not to think about that extra time I may have been able to have.  And that maybe I could have had a VBAC.  I'm really trying not to dwell on this like I did with Tanner's birth.  

I felt great when I was in recovery.  I could already move my toes almost immediately.  The double doors opened up and there was Nick holding Wesley, walking back to me.  I was so happy to see them.  I wanted so badly to be able to have that skin to skin time and to try to start nursing right away.  But just like with everything else that happened, that didn't quite go the way I was hoping.  Wesley wouldn't latch.  I'll save all that drama for my next blog post.  

I made sure to take it fairly easy.  I didn't want my incision to open up like it did the first time around.  And so far, so good.  Although I could have sworn it would rip open once I got back to my room.  Apparently my body does not like the medicine in the spinal.  I threw up every 20 minutes for a couple hours.  And throwing up with a freshly opened abdomen sucks big time. With some Zofran, Phenergan, sprite and time, the nausea got better.  My mom was able to drive Tanner to the hospital that night to meet Wesley.  The snow was pretty bad, but thankfully the road to get to the hospital is one of the town's main roads, and it was continuously being plowed.  I didn't get to see them the next day because the temperatures were in the negatives and the roads were iced over.  That was really hard, but Tanner had a lot of fun with his Memaw!  And we also had a little extra time to try to get Wesley to latch.  Which still didn't happen.  

I was discharged the next morning, but since Wesley wasn't allowed to be discharged yet, we got to stay in our room.  I never needed to use anything other than Motrin.  No narcotics.  I have to say having a c-section without having a 47 hour labor before is much easier to recover from.  It still hurts, don't get me wrong! But it's definitely more tolerable.  

If I think about everything besides our nursing struggles, I can honestly say I'm happy.  I still would have loved for the outcome to be different.  But It was a healing birth.  And the only baby blues I've had are related to breastfeeding.  And as of right now (3 weeks in) things are much better!  

My family is complete.  And I am happy!  Welcome to the world, sweet Wesley!  

Still here

I am still here. Wesley is here, too. I have written his birth story, I am just waiting for the pictures my doula was able to take. So once I get those, I will publish his birth  story. I had a lot of emotions to work through, but things are getting better. 

Wesley Ray. Born Feb. 4, 14. 7:21am, 7lb 10oz. 19.5in long. 

40 Weeks

So, I'm 40 weeks and 2 days today.  I have 5 days until the dreaded C-section.  

I'm still fairly optimistic, though.  And most of that is because of my doctor's reaction yesterday at my appointment.  Typically my doctor is very blunt, and straight to the point.  At my 37, 38, and 39 week appointments he was very negative and saying all these things about how he doubts I will go into labor on my own and have a successful VBAC.  But yesterday was like I had a completely different doctor.  

He began telling me a story as he was walking into the room.  He recently had a patient who was wanting to try for a VBAC.  He said he would have bet a million dollars that she wouldn't have gone into labor.  Her c-section was scheduled for 7am.  She showed up at the hospital at 3am, in labor.  He even continued to say when she was 4-5cm dilated, the baby's head was molding (? or something like that) and how he still thought he was going to be doing a c-section on her.  But, she pulled through and had her VBAC!  This must have blown him away because he was seriously a different guy yesterday.  

He checked me and I was only a "stretchy 1cm", I figured I would get all the negative feedback like usual, but that wasn't the case at all.  He was strangely optimistic.  He kept saying how he may very well see me before Tuesday.  So, I'm hopeful!  It really sucked when I was leaving the appointment and was told all my info about coming in at 5am on Tuesday to begin the c-section prep.  Ugh.  But I still have 5 days.  Lots can change!

I was having time-able non-painful contractions all Saturday night, and all of Sunday.  They then became sporadic,  but still often during the next 3 days.  But every time I would lay down I wouldn't get them.  Last night was different, though.  I had them all night long.  Still not painful, though. I know at least one or two were real.  They woke me up and they felt completely different.  And of course I would stay awake for 30+ minutes afterwards, wondering if it would happen again.  They never did.  But I still had the regular non painful contractions continue.  I'm still getting them, even now as I'm typing this.  I'm praying this leads to something!

I've been praying so much and trying to be as positive as I can be.  It's hard, though.  I've even started repeating "My body is not broken.  I will go into labor.  I will have my VBAC" in my head over and over when I'm feeling particularly negative.  And last night I spent 45 minutes imagining the perfect (for me) birth.  It was really incredible to do that.  I'm sure I'm setting myself up for heartache by doing that, but it was nice to experience that, even if it was not real.  

Today has actually been the day I have been hoping Wesley would come.  Thursday, January 30th.  If he is born today, he would share something from all of our birthdays.  January is Nick's birthday month.  30 is the day I was born, and Tanner was born on a Thursday.  It's 8:15am...I still have some time, right? :)

Okay Wesley, I'm ready for you!

Just a quick update

I am still pregnant.  40 weeks today.  At my 39 week appointment last week I was a fingertip dilated.  Which doesn't seem like a lot to most people, but it took me 30 hours of pitocin to get to a fingertip dilated with Tanner.  So I'm pretty happy with that.  My doctor said baby isn't engaged at all, and that he thinks I won't VBAC because of that.  But in reality, most second babies don't "drop" or engage until labor has started.  He's just trying to use scare tactics. And it's annoying.  

Over the weekend I was having Braxton Hick's contractions every 6-10 minutes.  All weekend long.  I've had them like that every day since, but not quite as often.  I'm hoping they have done a little something to my cervix.  I have another appointment tomorrow, and my doctor may be able to do a membrane sweep to try to get things started.  

I'm running out of time!  In one week I will be having a c-section.  I really, really don't want it.  And it just sucks a little bit, because I keep having these signs that labor may be coming soon.  I feel like I could be close.  I'm trying not to let my anxiety get the best of me.  It will all be okay in the end, right?

:)

I'm so happy!  I met with my doula today, and she is great!  I really get a wonderful feeling from her!  

She knows my history with Tanner's labor and delivery, and she knows my hopes for my future labor.  She asked some excellent questions to get an idea on how I cope with pain, and what will be helpful for me.  

She said her sister may act as her assistant because she wants to become a doula, but hasn't taken the classes yet.  I told her that is awesome!  I  remember what it was like to be a student nurse and hope patients would allow me to participate in procedures and whatnot.  I'm glad I can help!  

She knows I would like to try as best as I can to avoid an epidural.  And she also knows that I'm not certain I will be able to do it.  So I'm glad she is aware of that.  She gave me great examples of some personal experience she had with and without epidurals.  My doctor recommended me getting an epidural "just in case of a rupture".  That way I wouldn't be put under general anesthesia during the c-section.  But I did my research.  I know epidurals need at least 20 minutes to be brought up to surgical strength.  If I were to rupture, I would be put under general anyway. So why not try?  Maybe with her support and knowledge I will be able to deal with the pain.

Now, I need to wait for my mom to come to Oklahoma on Tuesday.  After that, Wesley can come anytime!  And lots of prayers and all my fingers crossed that I go into labor on my own so I can actually use my doula! 

Excited for Tomorrow! 38 Weeks Pregnant

I had another appointment yesterday (38 weeks).  Everything was the same as the week before.  No progress, but I still wasn't expecting anything to be different.  My doctor tried to ask me about a c-section at 39 weeks again.  I told him, "No! I'm waiting until 41 weeks...". He said he thinks that is a great idea, but that he is legally required to ask me about it since there was no cervical change.  Whatever. 

I'm still feeling really good.  And I am so thankful for that!  My blood pressure is great, and Wesley is moving a ton.  My only problem is negative thinking.  I'm really trying to make myself think positively about labor and having my VBAC. Your mind can do crazy things, and stalling labor is one of those things.  

Tomorrow morning I will be driving an hour away to meet my doula! I am so excited!  I've got my list of questions ready for her, and a little cliff's notes version of Tanner's birth story.  I'm only hoping Tanner sits still long enough for us to talk.  Ever since he turned two, he's gotten a bit spunky.  I re-read her doulamatch.com profile and it looks like she has a TENS unit rental.  I've read about them in nursing school, but never actually have seen or used one.  But after some research it seems like they are amazing for back labor!  I'm definitely going to be asking her about that.  

I will write another post tomorrow after our meeting.  I'm so looking forward to meeting her! I still can't believe my friends did that for me!  And I'm actually a little blown away that I'm 38 weeks pregnant now, too.  3 weeks max until Wesley is here.  AHH!!!

So Completely Thankful!

I feel like I've been pretty pessimistic and negative lately, so it's time for a thankful post.  And boy, am I thankful!

These are all pregnancy related, because that's pretty much my life right now.  (Tanner is still a great little kid, but he's teething his last 3 molars and that's not fun.  Also, there is a lot to complain about military related things, but I'm not going to do that)

The differences between this pregnancy and Tanner's are so crazy!  I am thankful for every single one! Well, almost every one.  The 9 month long morning sickness, and extreme insomnia I can pass on.

*I've gained 17 pounds.  This time with Tanner, I was up 55 pounds! (60 total at delivery).  After re-reading some of my posts from that time I am absolutely certain I had pre-eclampsia.  My swelling was so bad, and I had all the other symptoms, too.  I am swelling now, too, but it's just normal pregnancy swelling.  My ankles and my face are swollen.  But that's it.  I still have my rings on.  I'm also carrying Wesley a lot different than I did with Tanner.  I can STILL wear pre-pregnancy jeans! But most of my maternity shirts barely cover my belly button!  I'm really only belly this time, and with Tanner I got big everywhere.  Here's a comparison picture. 

I always hid my face in pictures when I was pregnant with Tanner.  My face is swollen here (especially my nose) in the second picture, too, but I don't care anymore.

*My heartburn with Tanner was horrible.  I was already halfway through my second bottle of Pepcid Complete by this time.  I still have 1/3 left in my first bottle now.  Don't get me wrong, when I do get it, it's really painful, but it's nowhere near as bad.  

*This time, my hormones are normal!  Except when I watch a sad TV show/movie or something like that.  No crazy mood swings this time.  

*After Tanner was born my belly was very angry with stretch marks all over.  Big, deep, red stretch marks.  They are all light and silver now.  But I have no new stretch marks.  I keep looking for them, but they have stayed away so far!

*I'm also feeling great.  Just overall great.  I have bad hip pain here and there, but it's nothing I can't handle.  I could literally stay pregnant for another 3 months. (Only if insomnia would disappear!) I'm so thankful for this.  I was really worried I would feel the same way I did with my first pregnancy.  There is no way I could chase after Tanner feeling like I did.  Thank you, God! I appreciate it!

*But what I am MOST thankful this week is my family and friends.  After my last appointment and blog post I vented to my friends.  These women I have known for almost 3 years.  They are all a part of a December Mom's group I joined when I was pregnant with Tanner.  We broke away from the bump and joined Facebook.  And we've only gotten closer and closer. But on Wednesday I talked to one of those wonderful ladies and she told me they all got together and raised money for me to hire a doula.  I was beyond speechless and amazed!  After I got off the phone with her I bawled.  I don't know how I can thank them enough!  

I've spoken with the doula, and I really, really like her!  I was actually looking at her website when I was in my first trimester and wondering if we would be able to hire a doula.  We will meet next week, and I will report back on how that goes.

Having a doula is going to be nothing short of amazing.  She is our (Nick and my) advocate. She will be with us during my labor and delivery.  She is skilled in ways to support the laboring mother.  Whether that is special massage or acupressure during contractions for pain control, helping with position changes to get a baby (especially a posterior baby) to descend, or saying encouraging and motivating words to help the woman work through contractions.  Even if I end up with an epidural she will be able to help me get into the correct positions to keep what happened with Tanner from happening again this time.  

I might actually be able to stay home as long as I can with her help.  And if I end up with a c-section again after being in labor, it will be ok.  Knowing I had the support from my family, friends, and the help of a doula, I will have done everything I could have done. (Chiropractor care being the only exception)

I only worry about going into labor in the middle of the night and having to call and wake her up.  I absolutely hate doing that.  And I've realized it stems from working night shifts and having to call doctors in the middle of the night.  They were usually always upset and grumpy.  But I'm sure if I actually go into labor on my own I will be more than thrilled. FINGERS CROSSED!!! 

I am actually looking forward to this next chapter now.  Before I was absolutely terrified.  I know this is the work of God.  He is helping me get though this.  Once again, I thank Him, my family, and my friends!  I love you, all!