Wesley: 2 Months

Wesley turned 2 months old on Friday.  My little guy is growing up!

STATS: He was 9lbs 12.8oz and 22 inches long on Friday.  He's still my little peanut.  I read my 2 month post on Tanner and saw he was only 9lbs 7oz, 21.75in at 2 months. So he's bigger than Tanner was at this age. I'm hoping those stats are correct.  The airman measuring him was new.  And that's all I'm going to say about that...

CLOTHES: I have officially packed away all of his newborn clothes. Tear! He is so long and has such big feet that the torso part of the clothes still fit but the pants, especially footed pants, were definitely not working for him.  He is wearing mostly 0-3 month clothes now, although the 3 month sleepers and footed onesies fit better for his length. He is wearing size 1 diapers.

NURSING: He is doing excellent in this department.  We have had no issues whatsoever since 2 weeks! 

SLEEP: We started a bedtime routine for Wesley this month.  It wasn't until close to 5 months before we started one with Tanner.  We would give him a bath (every other night) and swaddle and nurse him until he was full, or fell asleep.  I would put him in his crib to sleep until we decided to go to sleep.  I would wake him up, change his diaper, and then nurse him in bed and then put him in the co-sleeper.  About a week ago I decided to see what would happen if I left him in his crib until he woke up to eat, instead of waking him when we went to bed.  He slept until 1:30.  I decided to nurse him in the glider in his room because it's easier to nurse him there than sitting up in my bed (I can't nurse him laying down, it just doesn't work yet). He ended up falling asleep after 20 minutes and I decided to just put him back in his crib to see what happened.  Needless to say, he's been sleeping in his crib ever since.  He makes so much noise during the night, just moving around and getting comfortable, that I think I would wake up and be so tired I though he was hungry.  I'm sure hearing me roll around in bed would wake him up too.  So it's been great for both of us.  I still have anxiety about it though.  Tanner slept in our room until he was 7 months old.  

He goes down to sleep without any issues at night, but never during the day. Naps are really hard.  He gets so tired, but just protests sleep until he flat out passes out around 2pm.  

OTHER: His colic is GONE!  Probiotics, for the WIN!  He gets his drops every 3 days.  The only time he cries now is when is tired.  Which lately has been a lot. 

He is also starting to take after his brother.  He spits up all day, every day.  Lots, and lots, too. 

And he still will not take a paci.  :-/

(His signature move)

Getting there!

My last post was pretty negative. So I need to just say something positive.  It may not seem like much, but it's huge to me! Yesterday was Thursday. My last post was talking about last Thursday. I can say yesterday went so smoothly! I was able to get both boys fed, bathed, and ready for bed by myself.  Typically I would have skipped a bath or something like that.  But Wesley was due for a nice soaking bath and Tanner was covered in sand.  

I felt so productive!  And maybe things are starting to turn around! I'm really trying to go with the flow more and step out of my comfort zone.  So what if I'm out in public and the baby starts crying and tanner tries to run off.  I'll deal with, right? I'm trying!

Chatty post

Do you ever have those times where the day starts off nicely and then something snaps in your happy children?

It may start off with a nice play date outside and then the newborn starts screaming because he's overtired. You also have a super dirty toddler because he was playing in dirt and mud (think dirt in his hair). You're trying to get dinner started, and juggle the screaming newborn into the ring sling while washing the toddler's hands and face in the kitchen sink. He starts crying because he wants to play in the water, and since you have your hands full and your mind and thoughts are all scrambled from all the noise, you let him. The newborn finally fals asleep but the ring sling isn't on correctly and it hurts. But you don't dare try to fix it and wake the baby. You notice dinner is boiling over and the toddler has water all over himself and the floor. So you quickly fix the dinner situation and strip the toddler down. At this point he's crying again because you turned the water off. And what do you know, you smell poop. So you somehow get the toddler onto the changing table while holding the sleeping baby in the awkward sling. You change the diaper and while wrapping it up a little turd falls out and falls behind the dresser that is mounted to the wall. Luckily you can jimmy the drawers off to retrieve the turd. You wash your hands and turn the tv on for the fussing toddler. And finish dinner. And all is well. Or is it? The toddler trips and falls over his stool by his chair and starts crying, which wakes the baby and gives you a massive headache and a cold dinner.  This happens to other people, right? It was almost comical. I was thinking, "what's going to happen next?"

I can't ever get the fabric to fit on my shoulder right. And the rings are way too low. But he was sleeping, and there was no way I was going to compromise that!

I'm trying to get this "mothering of two" thing down, but it's just not there yet. I'm thankful Wesley's colic is mostly gone, but I'm trying to get him to nap in his room where it's quiet, and that's been tough.  Timing things is where it gets hard. The boys typically wake up at the same time. Tanner wants to eat and so does Wesley. I'm not one of those lucky people who can nurse while walking around. So I'm sitting down for at least 20 minutes each time Wesley nurses. So he ends up crying while I get tanner situated with his breakfast. And sometimes I'm still nursing Wesley when Tanner is done and wants down from his high chair. This happens at nap time, too. (Like right now. I have a nap striker, and Wesley is nursing so I can't get up and tell Tanner to get back in bed). Typically it's not as bad at bedtime because Nick is usually home.  

Most morning (definitely not all) I wake up feeling great. I want to clean the house and do chores. But after Tanner plays a while, and especially is we have friends over, the living room becomes a disaster area. So after trying to get Tanner some lunch and ready for nap, and Wesley nursing, I'm exhausted and don't feel productive anymore. I'm sure it will get better when Wesley can do more and not get upset when he isn't in my arms. 

It's really hard to complain too much, though. Although Tanner whines and fusses a lot (what two-year old doesn't?), he's really a great kid. He has no jealousy towards Wesley, and his "terrible twos" are not that terrible. 

Once these brand new newborn days are over things will be great. I hate thinking that, because I want to enjoy Wesley at this age. It's just a hard age. Not for everyone, some have it really easy. That's just not my case. But I do know I'll look back on this time with a smile. 

Organize all the things! New beginnings.

The two year old is napping and the newborn finally let me lay him down in the swing to sleep. He has been fighting sleep all day (6:30am-1:30pm), but today has still been better than our "normal" days. This is the third day in a row like that, too.  Probiotic drops, for the win!  Maybe we are on our way to a new normal? 

Anyway, I was sitting here on the couch and was able to look around the house. And for the first time in months, I was able to see it.  Maybe it's the change from colic to happy baby, or the warmer weather, or just the quiet, but I feel great! (I even only got a couple hours of sleep last night!) I feel my normal self coming back.  I want to get on Pinterest and gather ideas.  I want to deep clean.  I want to organize my kitchen, living room, closets, bedroom.....(I'm sure Nick is super excited to read that. I loooove you, Nick!)

I want to make my house pretty.  I want to make myself pretty.  I'm looking forward to starting a new healthy lifestyle, and exercising again. I was looking through old pictures yesterday for throw back Thursday and I found these old pictures of me.  The Lindsey in those pictures is how I still see myself.  It's a completely different person from the stranger I see in the mirror daily.  

So I am going to start living again...once I get this having-two-kids thing down a little better.  I'm going to start making an effort to start liking myself again. I also want to write about it all.  I always feel better after I post something new.  I may be pushing it a bit right now, because who knows, colic could come back and bite me in the butt. And if I'm honest with myself, there are days where I'm trying to rock the screaming baby while sitting on the floor putting a puzzle together with Tanner, with Mickey Mouse playing in the background. And I try to remember the last time I was able to go pee.  But it has to get easier as the days go by.  It's an adventure! One I am striving to enjoy thoroughly, and want to remember forever! Let's see how it goes! 

Wesley: 4 and 5 weeks

This was originally supposed to be a 1 month update, but it's taken me a week and a half to write it. So it will be a 4 & 5 week update.  That happens when you have a toddler and a baby with colic...

Wesley turned a month old on March 4th.  It seems like it's flying by and moving at a snails pace all at the same time.  I've mentioned several times when I was pregnant that I bet Wesley would be completely different than Tanner because my pregnancies were polar opposites.  And oh boy was I right!

STATS: We had a weight check on March 4th.  He was 7lbs 11oz.  So he FINALLY got back to his birth weight (7lbs 10oz).  He also grew an inch and a half, so he's not filling out yet, just stretching out.  

CLOTHES:  We've had to retire the newborn size halo sleepsack because his legs are too long in it. But he is in all newborn stuff besides that.  We are putting him in more 0-3 months stuff now because his legs are long, but it all swims on him.  So I'm really liking the footless newborn clothes.  Speaking of feet, his are big!  He is still wearing newborn size diapers.

NURSING/SLEEP:  It's going wonderfully! He's eating ALL THE TIME.  And that's mostly because he won't take a paci.  He really wants to take one (and he's getting close) but his tongue thrust keeps pushing it out of his mouth. He's also trying to figure out how to suck on his fingers, but they don't cooperate with him most of the time and he gets mad.   He's eating every 2 hours around the clock.  I can sometimes get one 3 hour stretch during the day and one at the beginning of the night.  Starting at 5/6pm, he eats every hour-90 minutes.  And around 3/4am it's every hour and a half.  I'm looking forward to him stretching his feedings out a little, but I know he's adding on the pounds and it's good for him at this point. 

OTHER: The first 2 weeks he was a good little baby.  He slept all day and night.  I would set my alarm for every 3 hours to feed him.  And you already know the issues we had breastfeeding from my last post.  But as soon as family went back home and Nick went back to work the dreaded colic showed up.  Super!

I can honestly say Wesley has cried more in his 5 weeks of life than Tanner ever has in his entire life.  It breaks my heart.  He cries when he is sleepy, he cries when he has to poop, and sometimes he cries just because.  And when I say cries, it's more of a scream.  We've barely gone anywhere because I know Wesley will just scream.   I'm afraid to say it, but I will.  We started probiotic drops a week ago.  Today was day 7 of giving them to him.  And today is the second day in a row that he has acted like a normal baby.  FINGERS CROSSED this is how it will be from now on.  He just had some issues with his gut.  Poor guy.

Tanner is an amazing big brother.  He hasn't shown any signs of jealousy or any resentment towards him when he's crying all the time and has a lot of my attention.  I try really hard to include him in everything I'm doing.  And I talk and read books to him while I'm nursing.  He really loves his little brother.  Anytime he's on the floor doing tummy time Tanner is right there laying next to him.  And he worries about him when he cries.  The other day when Tanner woke up from his nap, heard him over the monitor talking about "Baby Weddy".  

You have no idea how long it took for us to get a picture of him NOT screaming. 

Nick had to do this over and over so we could try to get one good picture.  He's an angry baby.

I had to add this picture because this is the normal Wesley.  For this anti cry-it-out momma, having a colicky baby is so hard!

And because we love our Carolina Panthers, I had to add this comparison picture.  :)

Wesley's breastfeeding struggles

I was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed Tanner for 20 months.  He self weaned when I was in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy.  I figured since we had such an amazing breastfeeding journey (we fought through many issues but it always made us stronger) nursing my second baby was going to be a piece of cake.  Especially since we just stopped nursing 6 months ago.  Boy was I wrong. 

Wesley had some latching problems when he was first born.  Meaning, he just wouldn't latch, period.  Even if I attempted to use a nipple shield. So I was pumping around the clock at the hospital and attempting to get him to nurse as often as I could. He started losing weight (like normal), and the nurses were not happy with it. (For being a pro-breastfeeding facility they were pretty old school, unfortunately). The nurses were trying so hard to get me to supplement with formula, but my milk came in at 36 hours, and I knew I didn't need to do that. We attempted to use an SNS (supplemental nursing system), with pumped breast milk, in the hospital and at home, but it was incredibly frustrating and never really worked.  

At Wesley's first doctor visit he lost 14% of his birth weight.  The  pediatrician started freaking out and almost had us readmitted to the hospital.   Instead we had weight checks every couple of days.  I ended up having to try to nurse him, then pump, and then bottle feed him.  I was so worried about how I was going to be able to do this every 3 hours (when it took an hour and a half each time) and take care of my 2 year old at the same time.  This was the only time I felt like I had baby blues or the beginnings of depression.  I was crying all the time.  

We made an appointment with a lactation consultant and found out Wesley has a high arched palate, and that is the reason he wasn't latching.  She told us he would grow into it with time.  I was so relieved.  Because after doing a weighed feeding with the nipple shield, he was barely getting half an ounce of milk from me. 

(Reminder, we had this same problem with Tanner.  He wouldn't gain any weight until we weaned from the nipple shield).  I was determined to get Wesley to latch.  I didn't get my vbac. My incision had opened up again. I needed one thing to go my way. 

God heard my prayers. The day before Nick had to go back to work I decided to try to get Wesley to latch without the shield one more time. He did it!!! And he has never had any issues since! I don't even have any pain, he's got a perfect latch. It was like a light switch flipped, and he just figured it out! He was one day shy of two weeks old.  From that moment on I cut out the pumping.  I was so happy to have that extra time back.  I can actually spend time with Tanner during the day. 

Wesley is still a slow gainer though. But Tanner was, too, so I'm not worried.  Today Wesley weighed 7lbs 11oz. One ounce above his birth weight. He is nursing great now. And I'm happy with that.  I'm sure Wesley will be a little tank, just like Tanner is now.  

Wesley's Birth Story

I guess I should go ahead and write this before I forget everything.  I don't really know where to start.  

Maybe from the beginning.  The very beginning.  I knew when we conceived Wesley.  But since I was still nursing Tanner, my cycles were a bit crazy.  Based on my last menstrual period (the due date my doctor went by) my due date was January 28th.  But I knew it was about 10-14 days later.  I had two early ultrasounds and they both agreed with my doctor.  Which made arguing my due date pretty difficult.  I kept hoping since my cycles were weird, that maybe my doctor was right.  I so wanted that VBAC. And since my doctor won't deliver VBACs past 41 weeks, I had a feeling it would end not the way I hoped for.  

I suppose I can fast forward to a week before my "due date".  I lost my mucous plug and began having prodromal labor.  Non painful contractions all day every single day.  I was slowly dilating.  My body was working!  But just not as fast as my doctor was wanting.  But seeing as I thought I wasn't due for a few more weeks, it all made sense.  I was walking everyday, sitting on my birthing ball, relaxing, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, eating dates, the whole nine yards.  Every natural induction technique you can think of, I did it.  (No castor oil, though).  My repeat c-section was scheduled for 7am on Tuesday morning.

Monday came.  I called my doctor hoping I would be able to postpone my section until Thursday or Friday.  I just needed a little more time.  So he had me come in to be checked.  Everything was still perfect.  Blood pressure was low, no protein in my urine...But I was still only 1cm dilated.  He did a pretty intense membrane sweep to hopefully get things started that day/night before the c-section the next morning.  While he was doing that I had a little scare.  He couldn't find Wesley's head!  A few nights before that he had been moving like crazy.  I just figured he was maybe getting into a better position for birth.  Not once did it cross my mind that he may have flipped breech!  So we went to have a quick ultrasound.  This was pretty neat, because my mom and Tanner got to see!  Wesley wasn't breech, he was just floating really high.  But since I hadn't "progressed" since my appointment the week prior, the c-section was still scheduled for the next morning.  I went home a little bummed but still a bit hopeful.  I got one more big walk in and was having some contractions and slight cramping the whole time!  

That night was pretty miserable.  A big snow storm was working it's way into Oklahoma.  My doula was driving north to stay with family so she could be there for us.  It would be about a 20 minute drive vs over an hour (that's without snow).  We wanted to get to the hospital extra early so we wouldn't have to drive in the snow.  We needed to be there at 5am.  The snow was predicted to come in at 4am.  So, we left the house at 3:15.  It was snowing.  (It snowed the day we drove to the hospital to have Tanner, too).  I was having contractions every 4,6,9 minutes.  I was sort of hoping I could talk them into starting a slow induction since I was contracting and We would be there extra early.  The nurse checked me, and I was still 1cm. 

Last ever bump picture. I can't believe how swollen I was!

At that point I had to change my way of thinking.  I knew my VBAC wasn't going to happen. The anesthesiologist was on her way to talk to me.   I needed to to drop the one thing that had been on my mind constantly for 9 months.  I needed to start thinking about how I could make this c-section family oriented and a healing thing.  My doula read some scriptures to me and I tried to keep them in my mind.  

So, so swollen.

I got hooked up to monitors, got my IV, got fluids, meds, antibiotics, and my blood drawn.  All in what seemed like 10 minutes.  I was thinking it was still around 5:30 when they said it was almost time to go back.  It was 6:45.  I was so scared.  

Walking to the OR was such a strange feeling.  I've done it plenty of times before as a nurse, but this time I was on the other side.  So white. So cold.  So sterile.  I was very thankful for the wonderful nurse who was there with me.  They all knew I was a nurse and that I worked at that hospital.  It must have been in my file, because I didn't tell them.  They talk to me differently than I think they would if I wasn't a nurse.  Maybe that's a good thing?

I hopped up onto the table and they began talking me through the spinal.  I had a contraction right before.  I tried to remember the way it felt.  I knew it would be the last one I ever felt.  Thinking about that now hurts a little bit.  Bittersweet, I suppose.  The spinal hurt just a little bit.  I'm pretty sure the part that hurt the most was the local anesthetic they used to numb the area first.  And soon my feet started feeling warm.  The warm sensation slowly started moving up my legs and to my belly.  They helped me lay down and started doing the prep work.  And then I heard my doctor's voice.  Usually you would want your doctor's voice to be comforting.  But the bitter feeling I had for him after Tanner was born was back.  And much worse.  (It would get a lot worse the next night, but I'll get to that).  But things were moving so fast, and I wanted to concentrate on what was going on around me.  With Tanner's c-section I was so sick that I don't remember it.  I wanted to be able to hear them talking, and I wanted to hear Wesley's cry.  They gave me oxygen, and I started feeling tugging and pulling.  I started shaking.  Which is normal.  They tried to tell me not to fight it.  That there was nothing I could do to get it to stop until the anesthesia wore off.  

The next thing that happened was so comforting.  I saw Nick's eyes.  He was there holding my hand and talking to me.  My doula was there, too!  Usually they won't let more than one person back in the OR, because it's a "small room".  But my sweet husband kindly reminded them that there were 6 nursing students in the OR when I had my first c-section.  He didn't back down.  I'm so thankful!  My doula took pictures for us.  

I heard my doctor say, "chubby cheeks! Look at that hair! LOTS of hair!".  Nick immediately tried to stand up to see.  The anesthesiologist got mad at him and told him to sit down.  Which made him mad.  He was able to watch with Tanner, but we had a different anesthesiologist. I'm sure she just didn't want him to pass out or something.   And before I knew it my doctor had Wesley in his hands.  They opened the little window and I got to see my boy!  My eyes immediately filled with tears.  And the weight of this pregnancy and the constant stress/worry for that VBAC I wanted was gone.  My boy was here!  I got to hear his little voice!  

Getting ready to see my baby for the first time

While they were cleaning him up and weighing him my doctor was telling me how my uterus looked great.  He wouldn't worry if I wanted to get pregnant again.  (I don't, by the way) The nurse and Nick brought Wesley to me and to got to touch his precious face.  He was born at 7:21am.  Weighing 7 lbs 9.75 oz.  That's pretty much the exact same weight Tanner was (7 lb 9.8 oz). He was 19.5 inches long. They took him to the nursery, and said they would bring him back to me in recovery in a few minutes.  

Listening to my baby!

The part I would find out about the next night is about the test they did on him in the OR.  I guess it's called the Doobawitz.  Or something that sounds like that.  They do a bunch of different tests to determine how far along he actually was.  My doctor thinks 41 weeks.  The test showed he was 39 weeks.  Just like I thought.  I'm trying really hard not to think about that extra time I may have been able to have.  And that maybe I could have had a VBAC.  I'm really trying not to dwell on this like I did with Tanner's birth.  

I felt great when I was in recovery.  I could already move my toes almost immediately.  The double doors opened up and there was Nick holding Wesley, walking back to me.  I was so happy to see them.  I wanted so badly to be able to have that skin to skin time and to try to start nursing right away.  But just like with everything else that happened, that didn't quite go the way I was hoping.  Wesley wouldn't latch.  I'll save all that drama for my next blog post.  

I made sure to take it fairly easy.  I didn't want my incision to open up like it did the first time around.  And so far, so good.  Although I could have sworn it would rip open once I got back to my room.  Apparently my body does not like the medicine in the spinal.  I threw up every 20 minutes for a couple hours.  And throwing up with a freshly opened abdomen sucks big time. With some Zofran, Phenergan, sprite and time, the nausea got better.  My mom was able to drive Tanner to the hospital that night to meet Wesley.  The snow was pretty bad, but thankfully the road to get to the hospital is one of the town's main roads, and it was continuously being plowed.  I didn't get to see them the next day because the temperatures were in the negatives and the roads were iced over.  That was really hard, but Tanner had a lot of fun with his Memaw!  And we also had a little extra time to try to get Wesley to latch.  Which still didn't happen.  

I was discharged the next morning, but since Wesley wasn't allowed to be discharged yet, we got to stay in our room.  I never needed to use anything other than Motrin.  No narcotics.  I have to say having a c-section without having a 47 hour labor before is much easier to recover from.  It still hurts, don't get me wrong! But it's definitely more tolerable.  

If I think about everything besides our nursing struggles, I can honestly say I'm happy.  I still would have loved for the outcome to be different.  But It was a healing birth.  And the only baby blues I've had are related to breastfeeding.  And as of right now (3 weeks in) things are much better!  

My family is complete.  And I am happy!  Welcome to the world, sweet Wesley!